Conflicted

I am feeling very conflicted about weaning Nate. Lino had mentioned that he thinks we should start. Nate's dentist thinks I need to. It was strongly suggested at my OB appointment I had recently.

I nursed Maggie and Cassie from the day they were born, March 2003, until Christmas Eve 2005. 33 months. When they had their last 'mama drinks', we were down to just the before bed nursing sessions, and it was just getting to be too much. It was 24 days before Nate was born. ( it really was painful for me to nurse while pregnant.)

It started to get really bad at around 5 or 6 months pregnant, I would be in tears sometimes, and that just isn't good. I had initially hoped to let the girls self wean, but I also wasn't going to nurse 3 kids at once! So, we told them that once Santa came, they were really big girls, and big girls didn't need to do mama drinks any more. (We tried not to put too much emphasis on Nate getting to do drinks, other than he was a baby and needed too, we didn't want them to resent him)

He has nursed like a champ. He is not ready at all to wean. He is 2 1/2 this month. I have tried to limit nursing. It is very rare that he nurses in public anymore. I have even tried to start cutting out the during the day times, which for the most part he doesn't notice, but there are times when he won't hear of it. He cries and I feel so badly about it.

After all, he is still so little. He is our last baby. It is still a huge source of comfort for him. For the most part, it is a source of comfort for me, too.

Yet, I do feel touched out- a lot. There are some days when I just want to say "Hands off: No touching!"

He doesn't sleep through the night. He is getting there, there are some nights when he will, though I still wake up and then worry that he isn't up. I haven't really had a consistent good nights sleep since the day before Maggie and Cassie were born!

At my OB appointment, the nurse practitioner person seemed to be pro breastfeeding, however suggested that I stop. One reason is so I can get a baseline mammogram done. The other reason is that I have struggled with anxiety/depression (since after the girls were born) and she is reluctant to (won't) prescribe anything while I am nursing.

Nate has some issues with his top front teeth. They are extremely soft, and he has some cavities that have worn down two of his teeth. His dentist thinks I should stop nursing. (So, I feel as though I am the reason his teeth are the way they are right now....guilt is fantastic)

I just don't know. I definitely feel as though we can use the same theory about when Santa comes, he is a big boy now and big boys don't do mama drinks. He will be about the same age as the girls were, I think he will comprehend it.

The other day I was sitting down and Nate wanted to get up on my lap (to do drinks), and I tried to keep him off, No drinks right now buddy. He cried and looked at me and said in such a sad little voice "I just want to snuggy Mama" I felt awful!!! Of course you can snuggy, buddy! Which soon turned into a nursing session.....

We just got him a twin bed, and will be moving him from his crib soon, so maybe that will help with the transition.

If not, Christmas isn't that far away, right?